"Decide what dollar amount constitutes a 'large' purchase and then always consult with the other before making large-purchase decisions." —Jane and Nathan Marie, married 29 years, Marysville, WA.
Two of the most popular pitfalls of marriages and relationships, in general, are communication and finances. Communication, obviously, ranks above finances, as most finances related issues can be solved by communication - connection and oneness.
As we popularly get to say, most divorces are caused by a lack of understanding of how to live together, rather than a lack of love. This kind of rhymes with the Yoruba folklore prayer for marriages, "ki our yin ye ra." (May you understand yourselves).
One key area where understanding is needed, obviously, is in the area of finances. Just like conflicts arise from a lack of understanding of your spouse's love language, conflicts also might arise from a lack of understanding of their Money archetype (imprint or story).
We all have different money archetypes based on our origins, upbringing, family, community, and societal influences; and how we have allowed these to shape our views and disposition toward life. Most of these are easily resolved by the right amount of communication and understanding.
Obviously, not every money decision carries the same weighting, and hence needs to be health with accordingly. I don't have to discuss everything I spend money on with my spouse. I sure owe her on every single one that affects her. There is liberty, but it must never be abused.
In this wise, I see The Maries' policy as comparable to Jeff Bezos's decision-making policy at Amazon. Jeff divides all the decisions into two types, which he labeled as one-way and two-way decisions. One-way decisions are those which are not easily reversible, or not reversible at all.
While two-way decisions are those which are reversible. The front line staffs are free to make everyday two-way decisions with little or no consultants with the higher authority, but not so the one-way decisions. This gives the frontline staff a sense of ownership and responsibility, without exposing the company to irreparable damages.
That is what makes Amazon agile, whole and profitable. Guess what? It will have the same effect on your relationship. It will build trust, genuine expression, and growth.
Hoping this helps.
The Saint.
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