Be Polite:

"We are big on remaining polite with each other. Lots of pleases and thank yous. It's the little things." —Debra and Lauren Gagner, married 22 years, Sauk City, WI.

The Ill of Mother Eve.

This is a big one for most men, and women seem to miss it, especially when they have everything going for them. A woman was created to love. She has no qualms loving, except in cases where her damage struggles and bottlenecks the natural flow. Where she struggles is in the place of submission.

For whatever reason, a woman is naturally predisposed not to want want to submit. It is her position of natural damage, inherited from mother Eve. Not sure why. May be it is her revolt to the foolishness of Adam in following her in the path of death. Who knows, but about all women struggle with these.

The Damage.

These natural sickness come from the two possible states of damage - inferiority and superiority complexes. In the inferiority state, she feels the need to protect herself from being taken for granted. Her fears causes her to fight an enemy which more often than not is her own very shadow.

She puts the idol of her past damages - both direct and indirect - on the often innocent spouse, seeing him in the light of the past offender. He is thus made to suffer the penalty the true offender escaped. Obvious, this comes to be when her past has not been adequately dealt with and healed.

The unhealed past becomes the demon in her present, standing between her and happiness in relationships, marriage and life as a whole. Then there is the other damage position - superiority complex. Just as bad as the inferiority complex, but instead of a struggle for power, this is an abuse of supposed power.

"With power comes responsibility," is the popular adage we have all been taught and heard through the ages. This is so fundamentally true, it beats one's imagination to see many still falling prey to its ills. There are responsibilities that come with leadership, power, riches, connections, advantages, etc.

It is so easy to misuse these, especially when the damages of one's past have not been healed. Such then begin to use such benefits as weapons instead of positions of blessings and positive change. Just as much as the inferior person, they use the acquired power to punish the past offenders using their spouse as the point of contact.

Their spouse is confused as to their reactions and actions. The over-reactions are incomprehensible to others because they do not see the image she is seeing. Obviously, this is destructive, as being lost in the past, she is unable to live and enjoy the present.

The Gentle Spouse Needs a Lady.

As much as the man might want to understand the damage of women, he is predisposed to running form such damage. He, in his own damage, is predisposed to looking for a healed woman, not a damaged one. He hungers for a lady, not a "witch," one struggle with submission issues.

A man is not looking for a perfect woman. She does not exist. He is looking for a woman who is cognizance of her frailty, and is working on it. This is a woman who knows and accepts her demons, and is working to conquer and put them in check. She is not excusing them, nor nursing them.

We call her a lady for a reason. She is circumcised, girdled, and self-controlled. She is peace, and a place of peace. Ever wondered why bad boys seek good girls. They are looking for peace. As opposed to the popular assertion that the greatest need of a man is sex, the true greatest need of a man is rest, a home.

A man seeks his mother in his spouse. He is seeking for rest, peace. He thinks he can find it in sex, so he pursues it not for sex, but for the supposed rest it seems to placard. If sex is all the woman offers, he is unable to settle. Why? He is not home yet. He is looking for the lady behind the sex.

Politeness is a Universal Language.

Just as much as a man needs rest, so does the woman. Hers might not be sought through sex, but she needs it all the same. She seeks it through shelter, cover, protection - physically, psychologically and spiritually. That is where are heart is. It is called home. We all love home, not just a house. Politeness builds that for us.

The Saint.