Who Did You Marry? (Part One)

We Are in this Together Forever

Wake Up Call:

Do you know who you are married to? Have you taken the time to know your spouse? Are you married to someone different from the fantasies or picture in your head? Are you forcing on your spouse the picture in your head? Are you trying to make him/her who or what he/she is not?

It does not matter how you got to where you presently are. Where you are, today is your reality and seed for building a healthy and rewarding marriage. You cannot build it on illusions. You cannot build it on what is not. Doing that is like building on sandy soil or in thin air. Such will not stand the test of time. If you are going to build a marriage that will last, beneficial, and rewarding, then you have to face the reality of who and what you have to build with.

I am a firm believer in the truth, “ANY TWO ADULTS (man and woman) who come together out of the act of the will can make it.” There are just too many examples of this to be easily pushed aside. So, don’t believe in a lie about whether you missed it or that what you have is irreparable. That is a lie straight out from the pit of hell. NOTHING is beyond redemption. The only question is, are you both willing? Are you both willing to do the work it takes?

Running From Reality:

So, why do people tend to avoid reality? They do this for several reasons. For some, it is a defense mechanism against pain. Something in their reality is causing them pain. Maybe they were forced into marriage, either by external or internal forces or events. Maybe they came into marriage out of fear. Their biological clock was catching up on them, or some other reason. Maybe they had bought into the age-old compromise, “if the preferable is not available, the available is preferable.”

Their solution to a seeming temporary problem is carrying with it long term ramifications. Now they are torn between what they think they lost and what they have. There is a conflict between where they think they should be and where they are. There is a raging war within. They are torn between their present reality and somewhere in their past. Rather than accept their new reality and confront the pain, they switch into some make-belief world to give them succor.

Their seeming temporary relief only results in the long term, more grievous pain. They are merely postponing the evil day. The seeming temporary solution only results in more permanent ailments, where the person loses his or her personality. This in its most acute state results in psycho related issues (like depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, etc.), drug and alcohol abuse, etc. Obviously, the person is not able to function appropriately in this state. He or she is more dead than alive.

Stop Running, Lean in, and Embrace the Chaos:

Running away from life’s challenges is NEVER the solution. The shadow you are running from is yours. It will always follow you wherever you go. Challenges are not meant to be avoided or run away from. They are meant to be addressed. They are meant to be faced. Life's truth is, "challenges are cowards, but you will never know until you face them squarely."

There is always a solution to every challenge. Running and avoidance are NEVER one of them. You have to ALWAYS face reality and make the best of what you’ve got to get to where you want to get to. That is the way of life.

© 2015 Akin Akinbodunse

Link to Series:

Who Did You Marry? (Part Two)

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