Use the Access Codes

Intimacy = Into Me See

You get what you draw out from your spouse. THERE IS GOOD IN EVERY SPOUSE. The questions include, can you draw it out? Are you willing to draw it out? Will you pay the price to draw it out? Do you know how to draw it out? Everyone has the way they need to be rubbed to get the best out of them. The questions are: do you know that which works for your spouse? Have you taken the time and effort to find out your spouse's love language, and trigger points? Do you have your spouse's secret combination number? Do you have the access code?

Joel Osteen says it like this, "If you start praising your wife if you start telling her how beautiful she is, and how glad you are to have her in your life when you talk about the good, you will draw out the good. If you talk about the negative, you’ll draw out the negative. It’s up to you."

Howbeit, the human tendency is to always seek and go the path of least resistance. Ever heard the saying, “The path of least resistance leads to crooked rivers and crooked men.” (Henry David Thoreau) That is what the easy road does. It makes us crooked. It makes our marriages crooked. Marriage was never meant to be easy, for it was not meant to be crooked. Life was never meant to be easy. Easy is the way to death. The way to life takes some working at. 

I Love You for You

The way to a good marriage takes some working at. It is work, it is not automatic. It does not just happen of its own accord. There are no Marriage Genies to bring it to pass. It is hard work. It involves doing things that you might not naturally do, if only for the common good. You cannot always have your way. Marriage involves making sacrifices. It is work, but it should be pleasurable worthwhile work. You are doing it for the one you love. You are laying your own bed so you can lie down with comfort, peace, rest, and joy. Who else can better do that for you, but you?

Know your spouse, and appreciate him or her for who he or she is. Remind your spouse why you married him or her. Never get tired of doing that. Keep the source of your marriage ever fresh. Speak the future you want for him or her, over him or her, both in public and in private. Celebrate your present and the future you desire. Seek to improve the status of your spouse. Not forcefully, against their will, or for your selfish end. 

Do it for their good. Do it for the good of your union. Let them see the sincerity in your endeavor. Do it selflessly. That is what marriage is all about. It is about adding value to one another. Let your imagination go to work for the good of your marriage. Let it go to work for the good of your spouse. Let it go to work for your good as well.

Don’t force the “key” that worked in your past relationships, or the one you saw in your parents, or read in a book. As Jim Rohn puts it, "Be a student, not a follower." Take what you learned and are learning and adapt it to your specific, unique circumstance. Every learning involves your participation. It has to be associative for it to work, for you. Take the time and effort to know your spouse, and what works for him or her. Rub your spouse in the way he or she wants to be rubbed. Know your spouse's access codes.

Know your spouse's buttons. Know your spouse's love language and triggers. Use your knowledge for the good of your marriage and one another. That is what love does. Show your love by going the extra mile. You’ll be glad you did. Your children will bless you. Your spouse will bless you. Your name will be great.

© 2015 Akin Akinbodunse

Links to Related Articles:

Appreciation Attracts

Keep Your Home (Part 2): Cover Me

Tolerance: The Secret of a Happy Married Life (Part One)

Links to Other Resources:

Rules for Marriage (Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider

Married Roommates (Talia Wagner and Allen Wagner)

What Makes Love Last? (John Gottman Ph.D. and Nan Silver)