Fighting The Enemies of Marriage (Part Eight):

Overcoming The Fear of Commitment (Part One): Stop Digging; Stop Running.

So, how do we overcome the fear of commitment?

The first thing to realize is fear is a learned behavior. We were created to love, not fear. Our fear of commitment is a learned one. None of us came into this world with it. We learned it from the things that either happened to us directly or indirectly. Since we learned it, guess what? We can also unlearn it. NO ONE is doomed to it. We can change. We can get over it. We can get better. The fullness of the change might not be instantaneous; but we can start the journey, immediately. Remember the law of holes? “If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.” Stop the behavioral patterns associated with the phobia. Stop digging yourself in.

F-E-A-R has two meanings: Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise. (Zig Ziglar)

You always have two choices: your commitment versus your fear. (Sammy Davis)

One of the ways we stop digging is to stop running. We need to get off the denial game. We need to stop denying the facts. We need to stop avoiding the issue. We need to call it by its name, and no other. We got to look it straight in the face and stand up to it. It might be painful admitting the truth, but it is worth it. It is temporary pain to release us from captivity. Our life is not going to change and/or get better by chance. It is only going to get better by choice. We have to make the decision to have a different and better result. Why? It is because we deserve it. It is because we deserve more, much more out of life.

Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is. (German Proverb)

There are some things you don't have to know how it works - only that it works. While some people are studying the roots, others are picking the fruit. It just depends on "Dare to be what you ought to be; dare to be what you dream to be; dare to be the finest you can be. The more you dare, the surer you will be of gaining just what you dare!” (Norman Vincent Peale)

We don't have to settle for less. We can have more. Why not? Remember the textbook definition of “Insanity?” It is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Just how a whole lot of us are guilty of this. The problem is we do not stop to think. Think! Break the circle and win. I love the way Eleanor Roosevelt puts it. She says,

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them. But do not let them master you. (Hellen Keller) 

Stand up to it and call it what it is. You have a challenge, and unless you accept you do, you cannot begin to address it. “Call a spade a spade.” Patching it up and/or living in denial does no one any good. Call the demon by its name. Let the whole of you rise up in unison against it. It is not a part of your DNA. It is a stranger that needs to go. It is a stranger that needs to leave. Its days of being welcomed and feeling at home are long over. It is time to stop running. It is time to stop reacting. It is time to stop, think, and respond. It is time to go on the offensive, taking the initiative, and making our dreams come true.

Links to Study Series:
Fighting The Enemies of Marriage (Part Seven)
Fighting The Enemies of Marriage (Part Nine)

Other Resources:
The Art of Marriage (Tim LaHaye)
He's Scared She's Scared (Steven Carter and Julia Sokol)